So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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