i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize