i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
