Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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