So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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