How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
