I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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