I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
