the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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