Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
