Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize