I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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