You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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