you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
