its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
