Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize