Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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