so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
