If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
