Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
