I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A bitchslap is in order.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
