you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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