he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize