i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
