the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
