I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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