I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
God I need to hump something, right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
