I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
