Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
