Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
