and she was petting her beer can
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
