At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
