kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
