finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
