i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
