you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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