shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
