Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
