Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
whose ass print is on the piano?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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