i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
