i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
