Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
