I skipped work to stalk him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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