how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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