I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
