even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
