jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
