I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
