playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
