Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
