I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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