I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
