Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
