: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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