Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
