You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
