Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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