After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Drunk is not a location!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
