WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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