Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
