At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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