We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
