did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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