My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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