whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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