I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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