I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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