Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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