what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
