when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
