I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
