my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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