It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
