If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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