Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize