I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
