My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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