how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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